Hi, I’m Bloggins and I will be sending you these little messages quite regularly.  You must excuse my way of saying things, but then I am only a horse!

I am a lucky horse as I live at Trifec, which I think is the best home any Nag could wish for.  I know that all the official stuff is on the website, but what I will talk to you about is how I see it from my point of view.  As we all know, horses are superior to humans, so take notice of what I say!

There have been quite a lot of changes here recently.  For a start two of my favorite ladies have been promoted.  Claire Parsons has been made Yard Manager.  She is very nice, but is a bit strict with us nags, so we have to take care to only be naughty when she is not looking.  I suppose from a human point of view strictness is good as it keeps the riding safe for all the riders and is not too bad for us as well as it means we are always properly looked after.  Charlotte Lindon is now Head Girl.  I like Charlotte because she is the one who sorts out our feed and food always buys my affection.  I am told she speaks funny because she comes from South Africa………….so how does she get home and back in time every evening?

The rotten owners have just put tons and tons of new silica sand and clopt down in the main arena (I think they said clopt….I thought that was the sound we make on roads which go with the clipt …clopt, get it?.  No?, well you are only human).  I am told that if the level gets too low we horses tend to slip so they have prevented that.  Shame, it could have been real fun!

This month are a couple of human thingys coming up.

Philippa Morerel is lecturing about some strange thing called an Alexander Technique.  I have read her literature (we can read you know) and I see she refers to us being sensitive creatures (I like her already) and how it is good for horse and rider if the rider knows how to balance themself.    I shall try to sneak a view on March 30^th at 6.30.  That way I do not have to pay the £5….that is a lot for a horse but not for a human.

Also in March is some foreign chappie called D Francisco de Branganca who has been training horses in Portugal for 30 years and will be teaching the humans in the art of classical traditions and principles of equitation.  I don’t approve at all of this good behavior stuff so I will be hiding that night.  I must remember 12^th March at 6.00 to stay well clear, though I may peep to see his funny hat that he wears!  He is jolly famous so I think there will be a few good human fights to get seats for only £15.

As I said, I am lucky to be here as I have a great set of chums to natter to.  Each time, I will tell you about them.  Yesterday I was having a good chin-wag with Midnight, “Mids” to his friends and “In the Black” to his posh friends.  Mids is a 14.1hh black cob x gelding with a few white bits on him (if you want it exact, what we call a star above upper eye level, whorl in centre and white patch on upper lip.  More whorls on neck under crest and over trachea.  White LH half pastern, white hoof and RH white fetlock………..well you did ask!)  Quite a handsome chap really.  Not quite like me, but not bad. You would never believe it, but he is 26 years old!  So, some stories to tell.  Do you know, he was one of Beccy’s first ponies. He was a bit of a teenage hoodlum in those days….even kicked Don (who now does Trifec’s accounts) in the teeth so he had to go to hospital to get x-ray’d for a possible broken jaw.  Silly man, he did rattle a bucket of feed for another pony and smacked Mids on the rear to send him away….well he asked for it!   Some time later Beccy sold him to another rider.  But then later heard that the new owner was going to take him to that nasty place called the “horse sales” and he could have been heading for tins of dog meat.  So what did she do?  She persuaded her mum to buy him back.  Since then he has been as good as gold (when humans are watching) and really enjoys teaching children, and some adults to ride.  Note; I do refer to us doing the teaching, not those instructors, nice as they are.  They just stand about waving their arms and shouting instructions!

I’ll pick another chum next time.

Meanwhile some guidance to other horses reading this.  Humans, please look away:

My tips this week are how to reduce the time spent in that tedious exercise of riding out (I always prefer to put my hoofs up in front of the telly myself to watch Only Fools and Horses).

1. Walk in circles to avoid saddles and tack.  The more you can keep this up the less time there is to ride.  Just as they think they have you, change direction!
2. Try the head-up trick. Be nice and snuffle down to them.  Then just as they are about to slip the bridle over your ears, lift your head quickly.  Unless they are 6 foot tall, that gets them every time!
3. Finally, if they made the mistake of taking off your head collar before putting on the reins, well ….time to walk off.  It is great fun watching them running behind clinging onto your mane.

I will have a few more tips next time if you promise not to tell.

Sorry got to go, here comes Charlotte with a bucket of goodies!  And, oh dear, Claire with a saddle…..time to practice my limp…

Happy grazing,

Bloggins.